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RE: When is it a date? - 1/25/2010 1:26:10 PM
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Elena1030
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Did you tell her it was a date?
I think it's a date, unless you qualify it to be "just friends." A low-key, low-pressure, not expensive date, to be sure. But still a date. Unless you've said "just friends."
It's better to be clear about that when you suggest the outing, rather than having that feet-shuffling conversation later.
On the other hand... maybe you're not sure what stage you're at with her... maybe you might be interested in dating her but aren't certain yet, and this initial outing is a preliminary stage. That's fine.
The outing doesn't have to have a label.
Are you wondering about who pays or if y'all are going dutch?
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RE: When is it a date? - 1/25/2010 7:00:44 PM
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gerald75g
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ok so if I want it to be a date I just need to up front about it...ok...so if she doesnt want it to be date she will also be up front about it. If she just wants to be friends will it make things different between us?
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RE: When is it a date? - 1/26/2010 12:55:24 PM
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3tulips
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If I was the only one invited by you, I would assume it is a date. Even just for coffee.
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RE: When is it a date? - 1/26/2010 2:16:42 PM
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Elena1030
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3tulips
If I was the only one invited by you, I would assume it is a date. Even just for coffee.
True dat.
And I'll add this: If it's an invitation, then likely, it feels like a date to me, the woman being asked, and I would assume that the guy is paying.
If you want to make it a friends outing and you each pay your own way, then the way to phrase a suggestion to get together for coffee might be this: "Hey, I'd love to hang out sometime. Would you like to meet for coffee? How about ______ (suggestion of date, time, place)?"
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RE: When is it a date? - 1/26/2010 2:40:13 PM
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Prairiehiker
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I guess it would all depend on what you mean by the word "date". There's been numerous discussions in the singles folder about dating and there's only a few of us who agrees that when you take someone out on a date, you have romantic interest in mind. Most posters believed any time spent with the opposite sex, whether it's your cousin, or your mom, is considered a date. So unless you clarify that you're interested in her, a date could mean that you're interested in spending some time with the opposite sex with whom you may or may not have any romantic interest with.
For me, a date always carry with it a romantic connotation.
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RE: When is it a date? - 1/27/2010 9:32:52 AM
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Elena1030
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gerald75g
quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I guess it would all depend on what you mean by the word "date". There's been numerous discussions in the singles folder about dating and there's only a few of us who agrees that when you take someone out on a date, you have romantic interest in mind. Most posters believed any time spent with the opposite sex, whether it's your cousin, or your mom, is considered a date. So unless you clarify that you're interested in her, a date could mean that you're interested in spending some time with the opposite sex with whom you may or may not have any romantic interest with.
For me, a date always carry with it a romantic connotation.
So if I have romantic interest in mind I should let her know that i'm interested in her. So what would you think would be examples of expressing romantic intentions when a man is asking for a date. Like for example " Hi I'd like to get to know you would like to have a cup of coffee with me after class". So would a statement of that sort let a women know that there are romantic intentions? 
No, 'cause that could just be getting to know someone you sorta-kinda know from school. I would've been not really sure the guy was "into" me, back when I was in college.
The "I'd like to take you out" part would be more of a clue. Or to say something like, "I really think highly of you, and I would love to take you out on a date. No pressure... just a coffee date." And then go from there.
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RE: When is it a date? - 1/27/2010 9:45:34 AM
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gerald75g
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Oh ok I do see the difference. Its all in the way we phrase the question. So do you think if a women is interested in a man does she try to put herself in situations where she will be noticed? What about shy women?
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RE: When is it a date? - 1/27/2010 9:51:45 AM
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Elena1030
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gerald75g
Oh ok I do see the difference. Its all in the way we phrase the question. So do you think if a women is interested in a man does she try to put herself in situations where she will be noticed? What about shy women?
When I was in high school, I'd look forward to whenever the guy I was crushing on and I would pass each other in the halls or have class together. I used to look at him a lot. But not while he was looking back. I was too shy.
In college, I'd linger after class, or try to hurry up, so that I'd leave at the same time he did and maybe we'd end up chatting as we walked to our next class, break, lunch, whatever.
Now... I do the same thing: wait after church or a training class or whatever so that the guy and I could talk. (Sensing a pattern yet? ... heh, heh... Talking!) I still have had a bad habit, in recent years, of being kinda skittish and "running away" from the guy I liked until it was established that we were acquaintances with something in common and something to say to each other.
But there's no one I'm interested in right now, so I just talk to whomever.
I don't know about the painfully shy woman. I guess it would be rather challenging for her to come out of her shell. The most she'd do is just be wherever her "man" was going to be. That's sometimes a big step -- just showing up.
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RE: When is it a date? - 1/27/2010 3:50:21 PM
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heremainsfaithful
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OK, I am a big old old-fashioned fogey.  In "my day," a guy and I might chat some. Then he might ask me to go eat or something. If we went out to eat several times, I might assume he was "interested." But I never took it for granted until he actually said he was romantically interested - if I did, I usually ended up feeling foolish. I don't know, maybe other people really did think things to death back then. But if a guy had come up to me with a long dissertation about his intentions before we even went on our first date, I would've run the other way.
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RE: When is it a date? - 1/28/2010 8:23:08 AM
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herestoresmysoul
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Simply put, if a man asked me out for a coffee, alone, I would assume that it was a date and that he was interested in me. I think that most women would think that so don get hung up on what to say and what not to say at this stage, just ask her out for a coffee. If that goes well then ask out again.Simple.
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RE: When is it a date? - 1/28/2010 11:26:07 AM
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gerald75g
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If I dont make it clear in the begining, what if we have been on several dates and I attemp to take the relationship to next level and she says that that she does'nt want to ruin our frienhship, she was'nt interested from the begining then.
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RE: When is it a date? - 2/8/2010 5:45:21 PM
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KIG877
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what if your church believes you shouldn't be alone in any place and to be togather in groupsor around like a lot of people
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RE: When is it a date? - 2/8/2010 5:50:14 PM
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Elena1030
Posts: 3141
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quote:
ORIGINAL: KIG877
what if your church believes you shouldn't be alone in any place and to be togather in groupsor around like a lot of people
I think there's already a thread in Relationships about this.
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RE: When is it a date? - 2/9/2010 12:35:28 PM
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herestoresmysoul
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quote:
ORIGINAL: KIG877
what if your church believes you shouldn't be alone in any place and to be togather in groupsor around like a lot of people
Unless you are very young(say under 15 or so) I would say that was very controlling. Its up to your parents to say that if you are very young, or if you are an adult its up to you.
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RE: When is it a date? - 2/12/2010 11:30:50 AM
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gerald75g
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From: Albuquerque
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It also is possible to go out as friends at first then become romantically attracted to each later on. Although it would be a risk once you let your friend know how you feel at risk losing a good friend.
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RE: When is it a date? - 2/12/2010 9:34:45 PM
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KIG877
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Elena1030
quote:
ORIGINAL: KIG877
what if your church believes you shouldn't be alone in any place and to be togather in groupsor around like a lot of people
I think there's already a thread in Relationships about this.
what the heading ,I didn't know
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RE: When is it a date? - 2/16/2010 1:05:14 PM
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Elena1030
Posts: 3141
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From: Music City, USA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gerald75g
It also is possible to go out as friends at first then become romantically attracted to each later on. Although it would be a risk once you let your friend know how you feel at risk losing a good friend.
Yes, it is possible. It has happened that two people who didn't have romantic intentions toward each other did later develop those feelings.
I think it's more challenging when one person already has some romantic feelings, even just the tiniest bit, and the other one doesn't. That doesn't prevent a friendship from happening, but the friendship can be difficult if the falling-in-love only happens for the one person and not the other.
Communication is key.
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"I like to stride, not mince." -- Maggie
Prayer thread for singles who desire to marry someday
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RE: When is it a date? - 3/9/2010 2:33:22 AM
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serasvictoria
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Hmm, if someone asked me out for a drink, I'd assume we were just hanging out. But because I've always been so naive, a guy would have to come out and say, "this is a date" or "i'd like to take you out" for me to even consider the possibility of him having romantic intentions.
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RE: When is it a date? - 3/9/2010 11:27:19 AM
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DaveW
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quote:
ORIGINAL: herestoresmysoulquote:
ORIGINAL: KIG877
what if your church believes you shouldn't be alone in any place and to be togather in groupsor around like a lot of people Unless you are very young(say under 15 or so) I would say that was very controlling. Its up to your parents to say that if you are very young, or if you are an adult its up to you.
They tried that on Derek Prince. At about age 65. It ended up leading to the dissolution of most of the Discipleship Movement network of congregations. (at least it was a contributing factor)
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Vinegar!!!!
I was invited to have tea with a brother in Jesus and while we were there he offered me a meal. I accepted, as I was hungry. We talked, but I wasn't interested in him romantically and did not consider it a date. 
