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RE: The NOT TTC Thread..... - 8/21/2007 4:38:21 PM
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sharonjef2007
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I go once in a great while into the Kicka thread...but it is so long and overwhelming I can't ever seem to figure out what the subject is being talked about over there.
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RE: The NOT TTC Thread..... - 8/21/2007 5:01:53 PM
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HisCovenant
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I feel really at peace with Not TTC, so the threads on children, mothering, TTC, etc don't bother me at all. I uinderstand some ladies interpret the Bible to mean that a woman must desire kids or be in sin, but feel no conviction nor see any command that specifies that. Like I said- at peace. Sometimes I peek at the kids threads, knowing I won't have anything to post just to get to know you all better. But I feel like there are plenty of other threads to get involved with that aren't about kids/parenting- they aren't in the Women's Only folder, but they are there. I also feel that I have a lot in common with those who are mothers. I don't feel any need to reject another woman because of her station in life (whether that's single, married w/ children, widowed, divorced.) And it drives me nuts for others to reject me because I am married w/o kids. IRL I have had several singles do that.
I also feel like if there is a subject "missing," it's up to us to post a new thread. You can count me in on participating in a Not TTC thread.
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RE: The NOT TTC Thread..... - 8/21/2007 6:06:30 PM
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laughinggirl
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Brian and I are not TTC right now. We have been married for just over a year. We would like to have kids eventually, but we need to accomplish a few things first. We went to Europe this year, and next year we plan to buy a house. We may try to start a family the year after that (2009). We'll see. 
I feel pressure to start TTC because of my age (34), but we JUST got married after being long-term singles and we want to enjoy each other for a while. During our first year of marriage, I was terrified of getting pregnant. I had very negative feelings about it happening that early, and I was always worried it would happen in spite of our precautions. I do not feel nearly as negative about it now, and I am actually starting to look forward to the idea - someday. For now, we are still actively preventing.
In "spite" of actively preventing, I still believe that I am a good Christian and a good wife and that Brian and I are making wise decisions about our future family - together.  If God should choose to overrule our protection, then we will adjust our plan and welcome a child. But for now, we are at peace with not TTC.
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RE: The NOT TTC Thread..... - 8/21/2007 11:44:31 PM
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spitzu
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Yeah this:
quote:
I may get flamed for this, but sometimes I wish the pregnancy/birth stuff could have its own separate place away from the regular women's folder. Even threads that aren't about babies END UP being about babies.
and this:
quote:
I know Sarah had asked Fritz about that. Did you ever hear back?
at this time he doesn't see a need for it
is why I spend most of my online time elsewhere these days. It's toooo much. Even if I weren't going though what I'm going through.
I'm officially NOT TTC anymore, ever for the rest of my life... so if I do stick around here, I may participate in this forum. If I decide to stick my nose in this folder that is, which I rarely do these days because it's all about babies, babies, babies.
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RE: The NOT TTC Thread..... - 8/22/2007 12:32:27 AM
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nicole6598
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I think the reason it is about babies is that soooo many of us are having babies or have babies so it is kind of difficult NOT to post things about it or ask questions, know what I mean?
I totally see where you are all coming from and how it would be upsetting but there also doesn't seem to be much happiness for those who CAN have babies. I am not saying that you all aren't doing that, but sometimes that does seem to come across when threads or posts like this are started. It can make the mother feel bad and sort of "guilty" just like it makes you feel hurt.
Anyway, I don't mean that to offend or upset anyone, I know it's a very delicate subject but I do think that most mothers have been trying harder not to talk about their kids in other "neutral" threads and to make their own threads or post in the parenting section.
I do think we should have a pregnancy folder however though as there seems to be sooooooooooo many threads related to this and if it is upsetting some of you the new section could help to settle some of your pains about it all. Maybe we should ask Fritz again? Maybe those who are upset by all the baby threads could contact him or post here why it's so hard etc?
< Message edited by nicole6598 -- 8/22/2007 12:50:56 AM >
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RE: The NOT TTC Thread..... - 8/22/2007 1:34:31 AM
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solo_soprano22
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quote:
ORIGINAL: spitzu
Yeah this:
quote:
I may get flamed for this, but sometimes I wish the pregnancy/birth stuff could have its own separate place away from the regular women's folder. Even threads that aren't about babies END UP being about babies.
and this:
quote:
I know Sarah had asked Fritz about that. Did you ever hear back?
at this time he doesn't see a need for it
is why I spend most of my online time elsewhere these days. It's toooo much. Even if I weren't going though what I'm going through.
I'm officially NOT TTC anymore, ever for the rest of my life... so if I do stick around here, I may participate in this forum. If I decide to stick my nose in this folder that is, which I rarely do these days because it's all about babies, babies, babies.
I've noticed you've been missing except for a few posts here and there; I'd hate for you (or anyone really) to leave, but I understand the need to get away, esp. in this case. 
I haven't been through similar things myself (as far as TTC), but my sis tried for almost a decade, and I can see how much hurt it causes her everyday (even though I don't know how it feels)... so I guess I'm very sensitive to it and try to remember that even though pregnancy and birth are wonderful, there are many women and couples out there who want it so so badly but can't get pregnant, and feel terrible because of that. It doesn't have anything to do with not being happy for others' pregnancies (or, I should say, it doesn't seem like it's that way for her).
((Hugs))
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RE: The NOT TTC Thread..... - 8/22/2007 2:00:04 AM
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nicole6598
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hopefully you know Crystal that I wouldn't have said anything in there to purposefully hurt anyone, I was just stating the other side of it too, it's my opinion and it could be totally wrong. I have sent you messages before to check how you are doing and to clear things up so I certainly did not mean to offend or hurt anyone by what I wrote. I tried to remain sensitive in what I wrote.I won't post again but I just felt that it needed to be looked at from both sides of the fence so to speak.
Like someone said it's not anyone's business if people choose not to have kids and I am sure that all of us pray for the people who are trying. I think this is a very supportive group of women and I don't think any of us intentionally set out to hurt the other.
Ok, bye now from this thread :)
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RE: The NOT TTC Thread..... - 8/22/2007 8:31:15 AM
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PrudentWife
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quote:
What I don't get is we don't go into the pregnancy/baby support threads and complain about what you're talking about or state that there doesn't seem to be much happiness for us. Why can't you give us the same courtesy?
Plain old human nature, that's all. On this forum, the majority of people are women. Women who are married to Christian men, want to have lots of babies, breastfeed for a long time, stay at home with their children, homeschool, etc.
It's very easy when you are in the majority to make comments like, "I don't see why this thread is needed" when there are tons of threads related to your own life choices. Of course you don't see, because your needs are being met. I'm in the majority, yet I can definitely see that the needs of the minority get overlooked, and their feelings get ignored.
I think it's just as cruel to to say, "Why don't you want children? They're a blessing of the Lord." as it is to say, "Why do you want another baby? Can you afford it?" Yet those who make the 1st comment get a free pass on these forums, but those who make the second get flamed.
So while I am sympathetic to your complaint, keep in mind that childfree women are the minority here. It's only natural that if there are less of you chatting there are going to be less threads devoted to subjects other than children. Also keep in mind that this particular folder is where all the baby/pregnancy/TTC/breastfeeding threads are concentrated. If you look at CW as a whole, you can't accuse the entire forum of only being about babies. One can start childfree threads in Personally for You, Community Lounge, Home & Garden, Singles, Relationships, and more. If mothers want to start a thread about a pregnancy issue, this is the only appropriate folder.
There is no excuse for rude comments about your life choices or circumstances. I apologize for those who've put their foot in their mouth and offended you. However, there being an abundance of threads about the majorities' life choices does not mean every mother is completely insensitive to the minorities' situation.
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RE: The NOT TTC Thread..... - 8/22/2007 8:47:37 AM
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sharonjef2007
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I sort of figured starting a thread like this would cause some contension, but I was not expecting this exactly. Really, I just wanted to create some knowlege that not all women are interested in this kind of thing.
I feel a tad more at home in the Women's only area now that I'm looking forward to marriage. But, before that, I rarely came in here unless I had a specific question about marriage/pregnancy...LOL! Marriage plus babies does not a woman make.....and I think it is wise to bring this to everyone's attention here and there.
I also really like the idea of a pregnancy area. Perhaps a second Women's Only personal forum for pregnancy/childbirth/rearing related issues that are inappropriate for the parenting forum.
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RE: The NOT TTC Thread..... - 8/22/2007 8:52:19 AM
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LaurainAL
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quote:
Women who are married to Christian men, want to have lots of babies, breastfeed for a long time, stay at home with their children, homeschool, etc.
This is not true and exactly the kind of attitude that makes this atmosphere combative. I am married to a Christian man (he is even a pastor) and I have only 2 children, have a full time career, and will be putting my kids in school when that time comes. If I post anything regarding this kind of life I am sure to be flamed. I started a post several months asking if anyone had any experience with a tubal ligations. My first response was that it is wrong because you couldn't have anymore children. Well, DUH! That is the whole point.
I would like to see one thread in this huge forum where women who are different can come to chat without having to defend and giving links to their choices.
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RE: The NOT TTC Thread..... - 8/22/2007 9:09:48 AM
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Kath
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How is this thread different from the Kicka thread? Just saying it's too long isn't a good excuse.
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RE: The NOT TTC Thread..... - 8/22/2007 9:12:26 AM
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LaurainAL
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My point is that even if I start a new thread...it ends up being about something else.
I have wanted to ask questions from Mom's who bottle feed, but didn't dare because I knew I would get "You really should be breastfeeding"
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RE: The NOT TTC Thread..... - 8/22/2007 9:14:26 AM
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Kath
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quote:
I have wanted to ask questions from Mom's who bottle feed, but didn't dare because I knew I would get "You really should be breastfeeding"
No, if the mod noticed it or if that kind of post was reported via the report/ticket feature, the mod would step in and say it is off topic. that would be unwelcome counsel.
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RE: The NOT TTC Thread..... - 8/22/2007 9:15:42 AM
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PrudentWife
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From: The Promised Land
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Laura, yes, you will get some flaming comments about your life if you choose to post your choices.
Do you honestly feel like you aren't in the minority though? I really do feel like most people on here fit that mold. (I don't fit in, just so you know where I'm coming from. I fantasize daily about going back to work, it is a very fufiling part of my life.)
Compare the private/public school folder to the homeschooling folder. P/PS has about 3 threads, H/S is bursting with activity. The Women's Only folder is one of the busiest on the forum.
quote:
I would like to see one thread in this huge forum where women who are different can come to chat without having to defend and giving links to their choices.
I'm not trying to be argumentative, but is the bolded line an admision that women who don't fit the mold are the minority?
Again, I am frequently amazed at how people get flamed for their life choices. It's rude, and it's not fair. And I totally understand that women want to have childfree threads. My only point is that the fact that there are far more baby threads than babyfree threads has nothing to do with mothers trying to offend or anger non-mothers. There's a whole lot of mommas in the house, and they talk a lot.
quote:
Marriage plus babies does not a woman make.....and I think it is wise to bring this to everyone's attention here and there.
Completely agreed. There are a couple threads that are supposed to bring all women together, Kicka & the Chat Thread. But I'm beginning to wonder if this is one of those threads, or a thread that is for childfree women only. If it is, fine, I'll stop posting.
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RE: The NOT TTC Thread..... - 8/22/2007 9:15:59 AM
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LaurainAL
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Kath: Did you read my above post on the tubal thread? Was that unwelcome counsel?
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RE: The NOT TTC Thread..... - 8/22/2007 9:29:29 AM
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solo_soprano22
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kath
quote:
I have wanted to ask questions from Mom's who bottle feed, but didn't dare because I knew I would get "You really should be breastfeeding"
No, if the mod noticed it or if that kind of post was reported via the report/ticket feature, the mod would step in and say it is off topic. that would be unwelcome counsel.
Can she just request that nothing negative about bottle feeding be in the thread? Or maybe make the thread just for bottle-feeding moms?
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RE: The NOT TTC Thread..... - 8/22/2007 9:29:40 AM
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LaurainAL
Posts: 1228
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quote:
I'm not trying to be argumentative, but is the bolded line an admision that women who don't fit the mold are the minority?
I agree. I may be the minority here on Crosswalk. Do y'all want me to stop posting because of that? I am not critical of your choices. I think it's great that so many of you are happy and fulfilled with having lots of kids. I try to live by the golden rule and I want to apologize if my earlier post was snitty. Please understand, that I do beleive that I have been treated unfairly here in the past and that those experiences are coming out now.
Maybe I just need a break from here.
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RE: The NOT TTC Thread..... - 8/22/2007 9:34:19 AM
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Kath
Posts: 16931
Joined: 2/28/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
Kath: Did you read my above post on the tubal thread? Was that unwelcome counsel?
No I didn't. you can send me a link and I can check it out for you.
eta:oh you mean your comment in this thread about another thread. I dont' remember reading that thread.
< Message edited by Kath -- 8/22/2007 9:42:29 AM >
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RE: The NOT TTC Thread..... - 8/22/2007 9:35:03 AM
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Kath
Posts: 16931
Joined: 2/28/2005
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano21
quote:
ORIGINAL: Kath
quote:
I have wanted to ask questions from Mom's who bottle feed, but didn't dare because I knew I would get "You really should be breastfeeding"
No, if the mod noticed it or if that kind of post was reported via the report/ticket feature, the mod would step in and say it is off topic. that would be unwelcome counsel.
Can she just request that nothing negative about bottle feeding be in the thread? Or maybe make the thread just for bottle-feeding moms?
yes.
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